I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve written this article and rewritten it, only to rewrite it similarly to the first version and discard it again.
I have realized that it is impossible for me to do justice to the elderberry.
Mother Elder, as I call her, is such a wonderful and powerful teacher, about whom there is so much to tell and around whom so many myths have grown, that I cannot possibly grasp it all. But that is not really necessary. I am telling my story and my experience with her.
I’ve had a deep love for elderberry for ages. The scent of its leaves always takes me back to my childhood.
In the neighbor’s garden stands a magnificent, beautiful elderberry bush, taller than many a garden shed. Whenever I open my window or leave the house, I’m greeted by this sight. And what a beautiful sight it is! In summer, it provides shelter for squirrels and many birds. And when I sit out on my patio, I always feel a connection with it. I greet it and thank it for being there. Sometimes we even converse. But mostly, I simply let it feel my gratitude and joy at its presence. And so I observe it throughout the seasons. I see the green beginning to return, delight in the sight of its beautiful white blossoms, and in autumn, in its large, red berries. In winter, I see its bare beauty. Whenever I look at it, a smile always crosses my lips.
Isn’t she beautiful?
Encounter with Mother Elder
Several years ago, when I first started exploring plant communication, it was the first plant with which I performed a plant ritual together with friends. It was a wonderful evening together.
I perceive her as a friendly, helpful being. Maternal, nurturing, very feminine. She can also be very assertive. During one of my first encounters with her, I was connected to my female ancestors and also to my own power within seconds. It was so fast and so intense that I was startled. It would take several more years and a fair amount of shadow work before I was even remotely connected to this power. She can be loving and also very clear, guiding us, if we are willing to listen to her.
When I was tasked with preparing seven basic tinctures for my spagyric training, it was immediately clear to me that elderberry should be one of them. I chose elderflowers as a spagyric moon tincture and the berries as a Saturn tincture.
Since our first encounter strongly connected me to my ancestors, I expected Mother Elder to make her presence known around Samhain. Time came and went, and still no elderberry knocked at my door. I continued working with other plants, and then suddenly, shortly after Christmas, when I had actually intended to retreat into silence, I perceived her very clearly.
My joy was immense. Mother Holle during the Twelve Days of Christmas. How fitting! In the Rainbow Medicine Wheel, the north (winter) is also the realm of the elders and the wise. Clarity resides there as well. I was overjoyed. I was delighted to connect with Mother Holle (elder is the tree of the great earth goddess) and receive clear messages. Gradually, I also became aware that the zodiac sign of Capricorn was ruling at that time. Capricorn is associated with the element of earth, and its ruling planet is Saturn. Also fitting! Just how fitting, I only gradually came to understand.
The spagyric tincture should be diluted to (almost) an essence. The message was clear. Therefore, not only calcination but also distillation was required.
Shamanic Journey & Transformative Power
And so I made my first shamanic journey to the elder tree (Mother Elder). Its first message was that I should connect with my female ancestors. This included not only my direct ancestors but also other women, teachers. I should also reconnect more strongly with my own femininity. A topic that, unfortunately, was neglected last year.
On the second journey, I noticed myself fidgeting, unable to settle down. And suddenly, I was surrounded by darkness. Not that beautiful, comforting darkness that feels safe and that I love so much. It felt as if dark water was lapping over me. I was disoriented and felt afraid. I just thought, what is this? It was so contrary to all my expectations.
I soon came to understand what this meant. Over the next few weeks, I was confronted with old patterns, fears, unresolved family issues, boundaries I hadn’t clearly defined, structures that no longer suited me, company matters, societal expectations, personal issues, and problems with friends. One stone after another was turned over for me to examine.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions, a complete mess. Not too bad, but still exhausting. On top of that, I had physical symptoms and sleepless nights due to hormonal changes. I couldn’t find a common thread in all of it. Try as I might, it just didn’t make sense to me. It felt like that dark, black lump: which, by the way, came from the calcification of the elderberry.
As I crushed this lump, I suddenly had the feeling that I was destroying old structures. An interesting sensation. And it felt good and liberating.
And then one evening in the car, when I accidentally clicked on an audiobook, it suddenly dawned on me. The title of the audiobook was „The Wisdom of Menopause“ by Christiane Northrup. I had to laugh, and even though I didn’t feel like listening to it, I did anyway. And suddenly, there they were, all my issues. Slowly, step by step, they entered my awareness, and I finally began to understand.
It wasn’t many individual issues, but rather one overarching theme that encompassed everything: menopause!
Or rather, postmenopause!
Mother Elder and Saturn were perfect for showing me all of that.
I’ve been on this journey for a while now, but somehow I wanted to continue as before. I’d ignored all the warnings. And I had no idea how to deal with my suddenly appearing physical symptoms. I started to feel helpless and old. I was also trapped in societal thinking, even though I should know better. But there’s a difference between knowing and experiencing. Only now, for the first time, did I truly realize that I’m in the midst of a major transformation. And Mother Elder made me understand what that means.
So I find myself in my own process of calcification and distillation, a process of letting go of the old that no longer serves me and elevating my being to the next stage of life. And I have the feeling it’s also about highlighting my essence. I’m sure I’ll learn what all this means in time.
The realization was liberating. Plants give us clues, support us through our processes. How we choose to follow that path is up to us. It is our own free choice.
The choice of distance
Yesterday was my third attempt at calcining. After all that, I was hoping to finally get the ash to turn white. White as snow 😉. That was important to me.
And so I embarked on another shamanic journey. Mother Elder led me to a mountain ridge. Before me lay endless expanse. She asked me to connect with this vastness. I began to feel uneasy. Too vast, too open, too uncertain. I longed to return to my inner garden, to my ancestors. But Mother Elder asked me to remain seated. She stood behind me and placed her hand reassuringly on my right shoulder, and so I sat. I connected with the vastness, and I began to understand that it was my choice whether I returned to confinement or connected with the vastness daily. For that was her instruction to do so daily. Slowly, the uncertainty transformed into curiosity—curiosity about what might yet reveal itself, curiosity and also joy for the new, for what lay ahead. And there, suddenly, was also a sense of adventure.
Suddenly I began to transform into a large elderberry tree. I was a tall, stately tree. Red berries hung all over me (as a tree). And Mother Elder said, „Look, there are thousands of possibilities…“
